We are on day three of six of Ms Rs swimming lessons. On the first day Master R went to spend some special time with my Mum so that I could be completely available and focussed on Ms R. She was feeling nervous on the way so it really helped that it was just the two of us. We stood by the pool holding hands while the register was taken, she is in a class with four boys, and then I stood close by while they made their entry into the water. I watched as they bounced to the far side, she gave me a thumbs up sign when she got there and then when they came back she leant over towards me and told me that I could go and sit down with the other Mums now. That is the bit that I’m most proudest of, the fact that she didn’t need me to stay close. She sent me away because she is now confident and independant enough to be able to do things on her own. Since then we’ve gone straight to the seating area and when the lesson has been about to start she’s gone by herself. For years I’ve been aware that she has been needy and for want of a better word, clingly but now the time has come where other people no longer have an opinion on how I should ‘make her independant’. I expect those opinions will change now to how I should ‘let her go’.
She seems to have made friends with the other non-swimmers, each day she chats to the smallest boy and his Mum who arrive first, she sits on the side next to a chatty boy with pretty shorts before getting in and as she and another boy are always fastest across the pool she usually has a natter with him too while waiting for the others. She loves the teacher although is probably a bit more chatty than the teacher is used to. One boy didn’t make it today so when his name was called at the register instead of there being the silence usually associated with an absentee Ms R could be heard quite clearly commenting that he didn’t appear to be here yet. On day two she was given a plastic swim bag which she proudly carried in to the changing rooms today where we saw a much bigger girl with the same one so she struck up a conversation with her and they chatted about their lessons.
The swimming itself is also going well. She seems to have the hang of kicking her legs so while three out of the four boys seem to end up splashing around in the middle of the pool clutching their floats she puts her head down and torpedoes across at amazing speeds sometimes having to steer around the others. The bit she finds hardest is putting her face in the water but she is doing it more and finding it easier and I can see that if she continues with lessons it won’t be long before she can swim along under the surface.
And I’ve made a friend too! The Mum of the smallest boy is the only other parent who watches the lessons so I guess it was always going to happen. She was surprised to hear that Ms R has only recently turned five as she said from speaking to her she thought she was much older and then she asked that inevitable question. I explained that we home educated which was initially met with surprise and then a ‘whatever works for you’ type of response. She then offloaded about all the problems they’ve had with school recently (which seemed to involve punches to the stomach and face 
) and then asked how I knew I was covering everything which was probably meant with reference to the national curriculum but I answered by saying how Ms R had never been regulated so didn’t need me to organise her or tell her what to do. She asked about ‘me time’ and I explained that I try to get them into bed for seven o’clock which gives me a few hours before bed every night. She asked about if we’d consider school in the future and I said if Ms R wanted to go we’d support her but actually it wouldn’t really be a case of going to school but more a case of leaving home education and then ironically said that she’d probably miss her friends too much if she had to go to school. It was all very interesting and sometimes I surprise myself with the things I say about it.
We’ve reclaimed the beaches. Nearly everyday we’ve visited the sea to paddle and play in the sand. Two years ago I’d have taken the opportunity for some education, I’d have written names and numbers in the sand or formed letters out of pebbles. Now I enjoy the opportunity of not being so needed, of stretching my eyes and philosophising as the sun warms my face and the sea splashes my toes. Behind me the Rs search for suitable tools to dig out networks of rivers and reservoirs, build walls out of pebbles, mark the tide, and compare their footprints in the sand. There’s something about expanses of sand that makes us all want to run around so we do some of that, we like hopping and jumping over the waves, the R’s like to sit in the sea. Master R says he’d like to catch a fish from the sea and then make it dead so Daddy could cook it for our dinner, Ms R looks quite horrified when he says this.
We’ve re-newed our memberships for our local zoo. They expired nearly two years ago so while Ms R remembered the place it seemed all new and exciting for her. On our first visit back she did exactly what I thought she should have been doing two years ago, she showed plenty of interest in things and wanted to know what everything said. Master R is the same age now as she was when we last visited and it surprises me that I expected/wanted so much from a child that age. Master R enjoyed it, he doesn’t remember ever being there so it was completely new to him. The second time we visited we sat by the paddling pool and Ms R made a friend who just happened to be the daughter of one of the founders of our home ed group. I’ve always secretly hoped that we’d bump into other home educators while out and about, and now we have. Another sign that we are real and proper.
The R’s have spent loads of time in the garden, almost every waking moment that we’re at home. Their current favourite game is to make a tent out of garden chairs and blankets. They don’t actually play in the tent though, no, once it’s up they put on a Sparky show. Our potaotes, peas, tomatoes, sunflowers and flower seeds are all growing well, we have more potatoes to plant but no more pots which is frustrating. Three times I’ve had to clean water, soggy charcoal and leaves out of the bbq. Buzz also spends most of the day outside, she jumps around chasing insects, catching leaves and attacking running children.
We have a new mode of transport. A trailer to attach to the back of my bicycle for the R’s to sit in. I’m planning to use it for all our local travel to save petrol (and the environment, of course) and only use the car for longer journeys to make use of memberships. I’m hoping that it has the added benefit of helping to shift the pregnancy weight which has been clinging on tight for three years.
Ms R would like to do a weeks swimming lessons during the school half term holiday. Swimming lessons have come up in conversations before but she’s always had too many ‘what ifs’, this time she’s chomping at the bit and asks everyday when she can start. She really wants to do something lessony so I think this will tick that box for her.
"Mum! The children are there!" yelled Ms R and ran out of Nanas house. I could see out of the window her plonk herself down crossed legged with three girls and a boy all about her size and all wearing matching blue jumpers and grey skirts or trousers. They seemed happy enough to see her and immediately included her in their game of pass/throw the tennis ball. A few moments later they all got up, raced over to the climbing frame and arranged themselves on it to be joined by a couple of bigger (but not very big) girls carrying younger siblings. I watched feeling proud (and rather envious) that she could so easily fit into that group and slightly guilty that we weren’t able to provide her with that whole little community feeling that living in a block of flats clearly brings. There was more running around and at one point she came running back into us happily huffing and puffing "…just to say hello" while the rest of the gang stood at Nanas gate waiting for her.
She looked to be having so much fun and was an active participant in the group games. My only hope for her was that she wouldn’t lose her temper with them. She didn’t…she lost it with me. She stood next to me and shouted that it wasn’t fair, they wouldn’t listen to her that she just wants to finish the game and they keep walking off when she’s trying to explain it. I asked her what the game was and her answer had us roaring with laughter at the irony of it. Schools. She expected those children, who had spent all day at school doing as they were told, to pretend they were at school and do what they were told. She didn’t get the joke. It was time for us to leave anyway and as we walked away a child called her name to say good-bye, waved and told her to come back soon.
All evening she was cross, she kept saying she didn’t understand why they wouldn’t even listen to her when she had something important to say. And of course, I got the brunt of it.